*insert swear word here*

So I have this friend name Carson. Carson likes to give me the smackdown. On a regular basis. Oddly enough, I really like Carson for this very reason. Carson became my friend a year ago because we were in an imnprov class together and I said the word "Jackass" under my breath in a scene or something.

Carson: "Who are you? I don't know you"
Kelly: "Oh, my name is kelly."
Carson: "Oh my gosh, where are you from? Are you from California?"
Kelly: "No, I grew up here, in Orem"
Carson: "REALLY?!? You're from Utah?"
Kelly: "Yeah, why do you think I'm from California"
Carson: "I dunno, you're just....bad. You swear and all..."

I don't swear.

That is an absolute lie. I swear because sometimes its funny. Some people don't like it, and to be perfectly honest, I don't like that its become a habit. I want to make it stop, and swear less. I don't think I have a filthy mouth. But, swear words do happen to pop out sometime. Personal favorites: *to be said with a British accent* Damn. Hell is a nice one. I always think of southern women who say "Ah, hell." That's funny to me. My personal favorite insult word is Bi*#&. But, in my efforts to stop, I won't type it out all the way.

The other night I was talking to some people in the ward ,and there are certain words that I cannot handle. Words that aren't even swear words, or rude. I just hate them, and would rather hear something else. I don't want to write them, but there is one word that I would rather hear someone drop the F-bomb than that word. How strange is that? After living in Florida, the F-bomb just became something you learn to tune out. The first time I heard it I think I stopped what I was doing because I was in absolute shock. But now, as shocking as it still is, I just kind of zone out automatically. *shrugs*

I used to never swear, and I prided myself in it. But after playing basketball in high school, sometimes the words just come out under your breath. I then got myself in the habit of sayin "shoot" instead of anything else, which then turned into a short version which was "Shhh". But....."shh" sounds worse from off court because everybody assumes you are just going to drop the word. So that didn't do me any good either. Then I stopped. Then I went to the Playmill. then I stopped after that. Then I went back to the playmill. And I haven't stopped. Maybe its all the Playmill's fault. Those mountains and western towns just bring it right out of ya!

Back to Carson. Carson always makes me feel really important. He always asks how I'm doing, and usually never believes me when I tell him. Which is usually the right thing to do. :) We are kind of to the point where he will have no problem saying "kelly. Seriously. Stop being stupid" and I'll think "yeah.....you're right...." Today was one such day. We had a nice little chat in the HFAC about life and performing and all that jazz. He doesn't lie to you, or fluff things up for you, but he does a great job of encouraging and putting you back on your feet.

With that said, I went to my Final for Acting Classics, and.....I don't mean to toot my own horn, but.....*toot toot*. I think that is the best that I have ever performed. Everything felt so good. So natural, so real. I love acting. I'm actually kinda good at it! And I love that nerves don't get to me when it comes to acting. Singing, that's another story, but acting is like home base for me. My secret is to not over-prepare. When I over-prepare, everything goes wrong. You just have to find that happy balance between preparation and procrastination. I think I've found mine. And I'm content with it. Not only did I feel really good about it, but countless people came up and said they were really impressed with my work today. Not that it matters what other people think, but......well, it does. So I am very pleased with myself and got a small jolt of confidence for proficiencies on friday.