"Why are you so weird?!?!"

Ok. So it definitely has been a while. But never fear, the lack of blogging will result in at least one AMAZING story that you won't regret reading. I promise. Because I'm impatient, I am going to get right to one of the best stories I have yet to tell, and then continue an update on my meager little life after that.

So...I live in a complex in Provo that has some truly amazing people: counselors, Financial Advisors, students, Graphic Designers, Engineers, I mean the list could go on and on. HOWEVER, among these amazing people that I know are some real meat-heads. You know the kind: they live at the pool, upper-20's, their mom pays their rent, and they have a tan that looks like they haven't held a job in years. Now I understand that that is a very stereotypical explanation, but I think you get the point.

So my friend and I were at the pool one afternoon, namely Friday July 2, when some of these individuals began talking to us. To this day I don't remember anything about our conversations except they kept laughing at each other and looked and sounded like walrus's while doing so. Blah blah blah (skipping ahead), our short day at the pool ended with one of the guys getting my phone number to "hang out" later that evening. Now, I'm not one to give out my phone number and follow through with it: %95 of the people that ask for my phone number, I have absolutely no interest in. But I'm trying to branch out and not be so shy, so despite my instinct of "why are you doing this, this isn't your thing, this isn't your style", I agreed to hang out later that evening anyway.

After the pool, I spent the remainder of my evening helping/visiting my friends who had a booth at the Freedom Festival doing henna tattoos and hair extensions. This boy, (we shall name him Humpty), was texting me throughout the night, saying things like "you seem pretty cool, I think we should get to know each other! :) " Harmless right? Well, here is where the story gets good.

I told Humpty (through text) that I had a big day the next day and shouldn't stay out late". He replied "Are you really going to play this game?" and I said "Nope. I just have things to do tomorrow, that's all. I'll totally hang out though " (ya know, something like that). I left the Freedom Festival that night and went home to change. Humpty doesn't live in my complex, but ended up being over there, so he decided to stop by my apartment to "say hi".

I opened the door, and there he stood, tan as ever, holding a drink from 7-Eleven. "Hey."

"Hey.... Come on in"

He walked int, strutted around for a second, and sat down on the love-seat, as I proceeded to sit on the large couch. We exchanged a bit of dialogue, and for the life of me, I can't remember a thing that was said, until he asked me a question, probably 'how was your day' or something casual like that. Before I even finished answering, he stood up and yelled "Ugh! Everybody keeps telling me that i'm freaking sunburned, like a bloody lobster, and its just pissing me off! Do you have a mirror or something, it seriously is making me so mad!"

I told him there was one in the kitchen, and he walked over to the kitchen to check himself out. When he was done, he sat on my couch, right next to me, a bit too close for comfort. A bit more dialogue was exchanged, but again, I have no idea what was said, as I did hardly any talking.

Then he says "Ok. Can we turn on Sports Center? I haven't seen it in like, 3 days, and I'm dying. Seriously, can we just turn it on?"

Uh.....sure. I like sports, Thanks for asking Humpty....

So I give him the remote, and he says "How do I turn this on?"

"Power."

"Its not working. I got it I got it. What channel is it on?"

"I don't know. I don't have it memorized...uh. Press the menu button..."

"Ugh! Why don't you know these things, you live here!"

So the Sports Center is finally turned on, which is followed by comments from Humpty like "Labron James, what a N____, that boy is such a baller. " or "Yeah boy!". You know, the typical male comments.

A few minutes after he had gotten his Sports fix, he looks at me and says " I want to go in your bedroom. Lets go to your bedroom, I want to see your bedroom"

Excuse me? So I said "No!" and he rebuttles with "come on, you can tell a lot about a person by their bedroom!" I told him it was my room, and it was messy, but that didn't seem to stop him. He stood up and marched back to the other part of our apartments, and bursts into my roommates room. Luckily and unluckily, I was the only one home. He turned on the light, and started looking around the room, looking at pictures, looking in the closet, just overstepping his bounds. He says "This room is clean, I thought you said it was messy." In an attempt to get him out of Lucienne's room, I said "oops, I lied. See its clean, good times, lets go". I guess this wasn't clear enough because he then turned to me and said "What? Come on! Why are you being so weird about this?"

I finally get him back to the living room, and he says "Ok, I'll make you a deal. I won't go into your bedroom if you give me a back massage"

You've got to be kidding me. "No!"

"Kelly, do you know how good a back massage would feel right now? I have been boating and wake-boarding, and it would feel so good. Come on!"

"I don't know why I have to trade for my own bedroom..."

"Come on, its just a back massage, come on! Do you know how good it would feel?"

I tried to laugh or chuckle it off and went back to sitting on a different couch from him, where I think he kind of pouted and changed the channel from Sports Center to the movie "Monster in Law".

The funny thing is, is that the volume on the TV was barely up. You could barely hear what was happening on the TV, and the remainder of the evening, he kept making comments like "It would be so funny if I ran back to your bedroom right now, huh".

Finally, Lucienne and her friend In came home. They were talking to each other, joking around with me, said hello to Humpty, and continued on their Korean conversation in the kitchen. All the while, Humpty kept looking at them, looking at me, with this look of "why are they here, why are they talking like that" and I believe he may have made some comment about it at some point.

THEN, Lucienne and In pull our some home made popsicles from the freezer and start eating them. Humpty scowls at them and looks at me and says "Are they eating popsicles?"

"Looks like it"

"What is that, an Asian thing or something?"

Hmm...pretty sure popsicles/making popsicles is like a "everybody who was ever a kid" thing, but whatever....

So then (this is the best part), he grabs the soccer ball and throws it against the coffee table and says "Ugh! I'm just so mad right now!"

And I ask "why?"

And he says "Because you are just so weird!"

Bahahahaha.

He continues: "You are just so weird, like, I don't get it. Suddenly you're like this goody-goody" as he points to the picture of Christ in our living room "...you won't let me into your bedroom, you act like a back massage is like, something you don't ask for, and like, I don't understand it. I mean, I am a really open person Kelly, and you are just really closed off. Is that it, are you just a really shut-down person? Seriously, what is it, I don't understand. I mean, at least my soda is good. Its cold. But why are you so weird? Really, fill me in, like, I just don't understand it."

.....

.....

I could not believe it. Are you kidding me? I met this person today at the pool, and SUDDENLY, I'm this goody-goody? Ope, you caught me Humpty, I hung up the picture of Christ 5 minutes before you came, I'm just a poser...

So I said "Ok. Um...honestly?"

And he says "Yeah, seriously. Fill me in, I don't get it"

So I sat for a second, and said "well.....ok. Um.....I think you're a jackass."

I don't know if it registered what I had said, but he kind of looked at me like "what?"

So I said: "You waltz in here like you own the place, you turn on the sportscenter, which by the way is great way to get to know somebody, you DEMAND to see my bedroom, you DEMAND for a back massage, you call me weird and stupid, and accuse me of being stand-offish and shut down. You are a total Jackass.

"wull, I really was trying....I was..."

"Well, I'm sure you're pretty cool somewhere, but I think you're a jackass."

He looked at me for a second, grabbed his shoes and then said "Ok. Ok! Well, I understand, you know, I don't want to be a burden on your evening, so you can just stay here and be a grandma, that's fine, but ya know, good luck..." and storms out of my apartment.

....

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Was that weird? That was weird, right? Writing it down doesn't do it justice, but hopefully you get the idea. So...needless to say, I've become very content with being a cat-lady for the next while; when somebody at 7-peaks asked me if I was available, I had not problem lying and saying "Nope, sorry." Anyway, I don't know what was going through Humpty's mind, or what girls his "tricks" have worked on in the past, but...come on! My whole family now always jokes around with "Why are you so weird!" or "Ugh! I'm so mad right now!" And it gets funnier and funnier every time.

With that said, I need to actually get back to work.