I've been called many things, but never this.

I have this friend at BYU who is from England. He's a nice guy, makes me laugh, but I think he's an absolute pig sometimes, and I have no problem telling him that. In fact, we talk about it at least once a week. All the younger girls just ADORE him because he has a "sexy British accent", and flirts with them. But a few days ago, I was privileged to learn what his first impression of me was:

Kelly: Gary, you didn't talk to me after the day we met. You ignored me!

Gary: I did not! I thought you were a bi*$% because you didn't come up to me the next day to see how I was doing!

Kelly: What! I made eye contact with you, and waved! You turned away!

Gary: hahaha. yeah....maybe.

Kelly: See Gary, you have to GIVE a little when making friends. You actually have to "be friendly"

Gary: Actually Kelly, I was all wrong about you.

Kelly: Oh really....can't wait to hear this one. What?

Gary: Well, I thought you were lesbian after knowing you for a week.

Kelly: You've got to be kidding me.

Gary: Nope

Kelly: Well, lets hear your oh-so-brilliant reasoning

Gary: Well....you didn't act like you wanted to get on me when we first met, and so I was sure you were Lesbian because all straight women have always wanted a piece of me. But now I know that you aren't a lesbian, and just....have bad taste.

Kelly: Because I won't let you touch me?

Gary: Basically.

Seriously? Bahaha. According to Gary, I was lesbian because I didn't find him attractive, and EVERYBODY else does. My bad Gary, my bad. Now, for those of you who may know Gary, you'll understand that there is a twisted sort of sarcasm and humor behind all of this that may or may not imply he is joking....but sometimes.....he may or may not be serious. In this instance, I think about 30% of it was in jest. But that extra 70% is a whole lot of lesbian. But....let it be known, I am not a lesbian. Just throwin' that out there.