This is how I feel.

All of these pictures are semi-adequate representations of how I feel about myself, my life, and EVERYBODY that surrounds me at this very moment. Currently I am sitting in the Pardoe Lobby in the HFAC, and for the first time, I am ready to throw something and tell everybody to shut their big mouths and go find somewhere else to be dramatic. I love BYU, I feel very blessed to get the training that I get and work with some of the professors here, but some of these underclassmen are starting to drive me up the wall: they all think they are the shit. And in a few years, they might be. I know exactly how it is. You leave high school thinking you are the bomb, because in high school, you were the big fish who was the best at everything. You were popular, you had your friends, your security, and you didn't any reason to doubt yourself. But we aren't in high school anymore. Its a rough world, and rough business, and NOTHING BOTHERS ME MORE than people who aren't able to step back and see where they REALISTICALLY stand on the spectrum. It takes humility and a large amount of patience to realize that this business, this LIFE, is one large process. And if you refuse to treat it as such, you are screwing yourself and others from a beatufiul experience of existing. I am graduating next April. Um...excuse? There is no way that I am ready to jump out of Utah and take the world by the collar and push my way into where I want to go. So if I am a senior, and SHOULD be feeling close to the shit, and I don't, how can these underclassman possibly feel proud of the way they act and feel, walking around and criticizing this, boasting about that? I don't understand it, nor will I ever.

With that said, my apartment bills are OUT OF THIS WORLD. I feel like my roommates have no concept of heating and bills. Kinda funny, but we are having some serious heating disagreements. My room is always hot, and the other room is always cold. SO, I shut the vent, I open the window, and I have a humidifier. I've compromised. But for some reason, I still wake up to the heat turned up to 85 DEGREES. No. Thank. You. I've asked, I've begged for it not to happen, to get the "oh, its not me, I don't touch it" (well ladies, there are only three of us in the apartment, and it SURE ISN'T ME.... SO...) So they complain about it being cold, and I do everything I can do keep myself cold. Can't they sleep in socks? Can't you put a long sleeve sweater on? Give. It. A. Shot. Last night I turned the heat off completely. Now, that is NOT in my personality at all. I don't get even, I just forgive and move on. But yesterday I turned the heat off before I went to bed. And what did I wake up to? I cute little note on the heater that said "Do NOT turn the heater off at night. It was 50 degrees this morning in my room". I laughed to myself. Don't get me wrong, I feel terrible about it, and I don't want to start a "see? How does it feel?" But....I kind of hope they see how it feels to be "uncomfortable". I love my roommates and would never want to do anything to upset them. But I did last night, and though I feel bad, I hope we can come to a compromise. I close my vent, and you sleep with some socks on. DEAL.

Man I feel so frustrated with everything going on in my life. I'm supposed to teach Gospel Doctrine this Sunday, and haven't been able to even LOOK at the lesson. I am singing at 9 a solo in my home ward. I am singing at 1:30 a trio in my own ward, (which I JUST sang a solo in 3 weeks ago) so I feel a little sheepish. And right now, I feel hardly adequate to do any of it. Can't I crawl in a hole until spring comes? I would love that.