It's tired in here.

I am exhausted.

I think I slept a total of 45 minutes last night. I'm sure I squeezed a few more minutes in there during the night, but it seriously feels like 45 minutes TOTAL. I'm subbing classes all morning, and have a million things I need to be getting done in order to move things forward, but I can't bring myself to do anything because 70% of my effort is being spent at keeping my eyes open and paying attention to my students. The classroom I am in is freezing, and it is raining outside, and I just want to be in bed all day under a warm blanket, in some sweat pants.

I think that not sleeping is one of the worst things ever. When you are out having fun, and stay up late on purpose, that is different. But I was in my bed around 9:30 last night, reading and chatting and just....winding down. But...I didn't end up winding down. I laid there, I fidgeted, I chatted with friends, I read, I moved around, I closed my eyes, I read more in the middle of the night, I drank some water, I moved to the living room...I mean, I really just failed. My mind was buzzing, and I think I worked myself up to a little bit of anxious state for an hour or two during the night, and coming down from that took a bit..... What I'm saying is, is that I am really tired, and grumpy, and I just want to take a nap after work today before I go to my other job. Maybe I'll get lucky and not have to go to my other job today. I asked for a schedule change for personal reasons to make things easier, so hopefully that will happen. I told her I could work today anyway, but....just maybe.

This is how I'm feeling right now.

I mean, I suppose it is my own fault for not being able to fall asleep. But...I have been having a harder and harder time sleeping in the last 3 or 4 weeks, and I am starting to wonder what is happening. Am I worried about too many things? Do I not have enough melatonin being produced? Should I try some natural supplements? When I DO sleep, I wake up at least 3 times during the night, and am constantly tossing and turning. Is it too hot, too cold? My mind doesn't turn off, and I couldn't even tell you what I am thinking about, because half the time, it isn't even anything.

Gosh, it's tired in here.