We can do this

You know how the Nephites kept going through the Pride Cycle?

Right now, I'm a Nephite. And I have found myself at the beginning of the cycle again. However, its not necessarily a "pride" cycle. I'm not even sure what kind of a cycle it is,  but after coming to a peacful place about all of these things I am about to write about, I have somehow found myself at the beginning point again.

I've been writing draft after draft after draft on here in an attempt to express even a tiny morsel of what I've been feeling in the last few weeks, and I couldn't ever bring myself to finalize anything. That is, until I read an old post I wrote this summer. You can read the whole thing here.  But these are the paragraphs that stood out to me:

"I often think about what other people think of me. I know its not healthy to think about those things often, but how can you not? We have to care, at least to some degree, don't we? Any person that I have met that "doesn't care what the world things" always turns out to be a pompous idiot or an obnoxious witch. (did you see how I replaced the B with a W?) And I hate to admit it, but...I do care. I care a lot. I wish I didn't care as much as I do, but I care. I want people to like me! I want people to love me! I want people to think I'm great, and....fun....and.....smart, and pretty and talented, and.....any other positive thing. But I'm learning that I have placed way too much stock in all of those things. They don't really matter. Those people that I constantly want approval from, the people that we change ourselves for, the people that we want to impress the most? They don't matter. I matter. What I think about myself MATTERS, and it matters ALOT. I don't know why its taken me 24 years to understand this concept. How can I be smart, and fun, and inspirational, and all of these wonderful things if I don't even think that I have the potential of being those things? How can I trick other people into thinking something about me if I don't even believe it myself?"

How have I found myself back in this dilemma? I got to a really great place/conclusion regarding this, and somehow I have forgotten it.

However, this next paragraph is the one that is really hitting home:

"I think I've learned a LOT about judging people, or...not judging people, lately. Over the last, lets say.....7 months, I've really learned what it means to not judge somebody. I had this problem, you see, of judging myself SO HARD. And its still a current problem. We are always our own worse critic, but I've been told time and time again that I am harder on myself than the average person is or should be. I always shook it off, and didn't think much of it, until more recently when my issue with myself started affecting how I treated those around me. I think in my attempt to not be hypocritical, I put others at a standard that I expected myself to be at, which....wasn't even an attainable standard anyway. But I thought that this was ok, because....I expected myself to reach and be there, so..."why shouldn't I expect others to?" 

The truth is, I still don't have an answer to that. I still don't know how to articulate it. But its not right. Its not wrong, but its not right. Where is the line? How do we find the balance between pushing ourselves and others to be better people, and....criticizing their short comings? And maybe the problem is thinking it as a conscious effort to "push somebody". Maybe, just maybe, "pushing" someone is something that should happen a little more naturally than the way I've possibly approached it before. 

I want people to push me. I want to be better. I want to find my potential, and I want others to help me when I'm falling short. But as I look back, the people that pushed me were not people that actively "pushed me". It was much smaller, much subtler, much more natural and loving. I want to be that way." 

I think the part that stood out the most to me is HOW people can help push. Is it effective to forcefully shove your view points on somebody, or immediately and openly disapprove of something right away without taking the time to at least TRY to understand why somebody would react the way that they did? The lesson that I haven't let go of, though, is that we are all just human beings, trying to be happy. We all have our motives. Sure, I may disagree with what somebody is doing, or what their motives are, but how can I feel good about myself if I make that call without giving them the time of day to try to empathize with them? Isn't that more Christ-like than immediately placing a judgement? I don't know, I may not be making very much sense, and I am getting more and more discouraged as I write, but I really feel strongly about this. I really feel passionately that we, as sons and daughters of God, as patriots of our country, as fathers and mothers, and sisters and brothers, and friends and teachers, WE CAN TRY HARDER. I CAN BE BETTER, and YOU CAN BE BETTER. 

Now, don't be confused. I am not, by any means, saying that we need to agree with everything and every choice that others make. I don't agree with half the things those close to me say, or those close to me do. In fact, I think most of it is rubbish. But I think what is important is how we treat those people, and HOW WE COMMUNICATE our view point on any given subject.

Sometimes I am really good at this. Sometimes I am not. Sometimes, I'm sure you are very good at this, and sometimes, you are not. WE CAN BE BETTER. WE CAN TRY HARDER, WE CAN LOVE MORE THOROUGHLY, and WE CAN TAKE MORE TIME TO EMPATHIZE WITH OUR NEIGHBORS. You will not be stripped of your opinions, you will not be stripped of your views, but I can't help but think that if we put in a little more effort to love, and focus a little bit more on HOW we communicate our feelings, we can be better people. You can be a better person, and I, most certainly, can be a better person.