i try. i make mistakes. i grow. i love. i love to eat pineapple. i cook and bake whenever i can. thai food is good for my soul. i collect blankets, sweat pants, and crazy socks. i believed i was peter pan when i was a child. i love to love. summertime is my favorite. i love feeling the sun on my face. i have a lot of good intentions. i had a bowl cut when i was younger. shakespeare was a genius. i love to laugh. God is everywhere. i love having painted toes. i am very blessed, and i try to "live life, every, every moment"

Friday, August 28, 2015

I'm on my phone right now. I cant sleep. It's really inconvenient to type this on my phone, but pulling out my laptop feels like a big commitment to "not sleeping", and I somehow feel like using my phone still shows a little bit of effort to fall back asleep.

I fell asleep around 1030 tonight, o ly to wake up an hour later bright eyed and busy tailed. I've been up ever since: laying here, not laying here, practicing face painting, reading, doing sudoku, fixing my website, ealuating goals, beating myself up for too many things, feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling mad, feeling stupid, feeling excited....just all the things, ya know? It's hard when I can't sleep: lying here isn't great for me, because my brain starts reeling reeeaaallly fast and before you know it, I've convinced myself of some really terrible and silly things, and it just feels awful. I guess face painting doesn't help the "sleep cause" either, but at least I'm practicing a new skill and being creative.

Here are some things I've thought about tonight:

  • I wonder if I could dress like Taylor Swift.
  • Kelly, you need to get dressed in the first place. Take more pride in yourself.
  • I'm going to be the best face painter ever. 
  • I wonder if God is trying to tell me something whenever I can't sleep. We believe that if we want to communicate with God, we pray to Him. And I'd we want God to communicate to us,we read our Scriptures. I sometimes get the thought that God is desperately trying to talk to me, and the only way He can reach me is when I ant sleep and read some extra scripture. 
  • Anxiety is around often, lately. Go away, please and thanks.
  • Are gold fingernails too much?
  • Little boys are more fun than little girls. 
  • My boss is in Hawaii right now. My friend is soon leaving to hawaii for a month. I want to go to Hawaii!
  • I think I'm a decent gift giver bit always so insecure about them. I like doing thoughtful things for gifts, bit they do make me feel the most vulnerable, which still feels the scariest of all. 
  • My throat is drrryyyy.
  • I'm starting to fall asleep I think
  • Disneyland in 4 hours!
  • My car is almost clean! Yay!
  • Do the stanky leg. 
  • What?
  • I want to be a better person. 
  • I want to be closer to God. 
  • I feel weird. 
  • Anxious thoughts, go AWAY. 
  • Treats. 
  • I want t decorate for Christmas. 
  • I don't think queen size beds are meant to be used by only one person. I suddenly feel very tiny and alone in my new bed.
  • Goodnight 
  • Zzzzz

Posted by at 4:00 AM

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