The Cougar Den

It is so windy outside, I can hardly stand it. I can't remember the last time I was in winds this strong; I have a hard time standing up or walking while I'm outside...it kind of blows me over.

We've changed locations, and we are staying in "cabins" for the next few days. I have a cabin to myself this stay because it "technically" is my turn for the single rooms (though I got lucky in Ogden and got a free single room for 4 nights). We call is the Cougar Room, because there are about 17 pictures of cougars around the whole place. I love being by myself: I love having my own time, and I love doing my own thing. I've always been that way. I have a very small family, with only 2 brothers. We are so spread out in age, I sometimes felt like an only child simply because we were too far apart to have the same interests once we reached a certain age. As a teen, I was always too busy for my own good, and so getting alone time was something I loved and relished at a very young age. I remember telling friends I couldn't play because I would have rather just been by myself, thinking, meditating, drawing, singing, or anything.

And being on tour, I relish that alone time even more. However...I sometimes get bored, and want to be around other people. I suppose its natural, and suppose I can't complain because there are good things on both sides.

My fingers are so cold, I am having a difficult time typing. I woke up this morning to work out, but felt so lousy I couldn't make it through. I am thinking about attempting it again this afternoon just because I didn't finish (and that irritates me), but I don't know if that would be wise. I feel like I am on the edge of getting sick, and would rather it just go away and rest for a few days before our last 2 weeks of tour (which I hear are going to be brutal).

I used to be really good at blogging and publishing interesting things and telling stories of things that happen to me....but I just can't find anything worth documenting, aside from the every-day that I do, and I try to keep those things in check. Too much of a good thing doesn't always make it a good thing.

I bought a new set of scriptures about 2 weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier. My old set that I got 5 or 6 years ago was stolen. Yes, I said stolen. Do I really think they were stolen? Nah. With my luck, I probably misplaced them or left them somewhere. Who would steal scriptures? All I know is that I had them in Las Vegas, and suddenly didn't have them with me, and they were nowhere to be found. So I spent about a month reading ensign articles and scriputres from my phone (blech) before I decided it was time for me to drop the cash on a solid pair of new scriptures. I am so happy about it. I love my new set, and thought I am heart broken about all the lost notes and thoughts I had written in my old ones, I find it very exciting to start "fresh" with this set. I tried to read the Book of Mormon again, but couldn't get past the first few chapters. I know and believe that studying the Book of Mormon is so important, but I also think that there are other books of scripture that I could devote some time to without feeling guilty. I dove into the Doctrine and Covenents, and am so exciting about the things that I am learning about the revelations given to Joseph Smith in the 1830's. I took a D&C class at BYU a few years back, but I am getting so much more from my personal study this time around. I am gaining a stronger testimony of Joseph Smith and the sacred work that he was chosen to do, as well as a firmer belief in Jesus Christ and his Atonement. If you haven't read the Doctrine and Covenants at all, or if its been a while, I would definitely recommend diving right back into it. Joseph Smith was such a strong individual, and I only hope to emulate an ounce of the person that he was.

My mom's birthday is this Saturday. I had a really great idea for a gift for her, but she requested something else that she really wanted, so maybe I will wait until the summer when I can get the money again and make sure she really wants something like that. Giving presents in our family is such a strange thing, and I feel like I am partially at fault for it. I don't think I'm a particularly picky person now, but I'm sure my parents will tell you differently, especially while growing up. I think my mom has a HUGE fear of getting us something and us not liking it, and so she won't hardly buy anything as a surprise. For Christmas, she requests lists of things that we want, or has us buy them and bring them to her and she'll pay us and then wrap it. Its a really great idea because I suppose it ensures that we will get what we want for Christmas (within the budget of course). However, I am a lot older and more mature than I sometimes think I get credit for, and I sometimes wish that my mom or family would just trust themselves and buy something that THEY really think is something that I want. It somehow seems to mean more to me to get something that somebody thinks about than for me to buy it myself, if that makes sense. My mom and I had this "discussion" about these things regarding my birthday. She just wanted to wait until I got back to get me something, or have me buy something, etc. I don't think she could understand that being on the road was really really hard at that time for me and I just wanted to open a package. With anything. I jokingly mentioned that a box of chocolates would be enough, but it would just be something that somebody thought of sending me, and that meant a lot. And you know what? She did just that, and it was one of the best presents I had ever received: the day after my birthday, I got a package from my family that had some great little presents: a sweater, a shirt, a new purse, and....a box of chocolates.

Why am I talking about receiving presents? I don't know. But its my mom's birthday on Saturday, and I am excited to spend some time with my family.

My current family, this tour, will be leaving each other in 2 weeks, and that is strange to me. All that I can think to say about that is that its strange, and I have a lot of feelings about it. But enough of that: I am going to watch Winnie the Pooh on my computer. Please, and thank-you.