What if I fly?

A while back, I wrote a blog about failure, and how excited I was about my newfound skill of how to "fail" properly.

I've since forgotten my own advice.

Which is sort of the reason for my 2015 mantra:

Look. I'm not an eloquent writer. I get excited about the things whirling around in my head, and then I throw them up on a page without much thought to flow or grace. Right now, my mind is racing at all sorts of speeds.

Riddle me this: What if I fall (fail)? No. Seriously. What if I do? What will happen? What if I don't get a good job? What if I never book anything? What if I am broke the rest of my life? What if I can't find a good husband who will love me and let me love him? What if I never succeed? What if I don't get accepted into Grad School this year? What if I get dumped? What if I don't get cast in that role that was WRITTEN FOR ME?! What if, what if, what if, what if? What if I get fat? What if my face breaks out? What if I hurt somebody's feelings? What if my feelings get hurt? What if somebody tells me that they don't think I'm talented? What if I'm not talented? What if God isn't listening to me (I'm going to negate that one right now, because I don't believe that one at all. I just added it for dramatic effect.) What if there's an earthquake and I die? WHAT IF?!

I'm going to answer all of those questions right now:

What if I don't get the job that I need? Then you don't get that job, and you find a better one. What if I never book that commercial or nail that audition? Then you don't get that audition, and you will do better at the next one. Odds are, it had nothing to do with you. What if I am broke the rest of my life?  Then you'll be broke the rest of your life. You've survived so far, you can survive some more. What if I can't find a good husband who will love me and let me love him? Then you will be single, and have the opportunity to do WHATEVER YOU WANTED with your life. What if I never succeed? That is simply impossible. What if I don't get accepted into Grad School this year? Then you don't get into grad school, you work hard, and you try again next year. What if I get dumped? Then you get dumped. And you're single. And again, you can do whatever you want with your life. Odds are, something better may come along. What if I don't get cast in that role that was WRITTEN FOR ME?! Then you don't cast this time, and you will next time!! What if, what if, what if, what if? What if I get fat? Take care of yourself!  What if my face breaks out? Then your face breaks out! And you put some makeup on! What if I hurt somebody's feelings? Then you do what you need to do to apologize and remedy the situation. What if my feelings get hurt? Then you feel sad for a while, and you forgive.  What if somebody tells me that they don't think I'm talented? It's just their opinion. What do you YOU think? What if I'm not talented? Do you really think so? What if God isn't listening to me (I'm going to negate that one right now, because I don't believe that one at all. I just added it for dramatic effect--Don't be dumb.) What if there's an earthquake and I die? You're dumb. WHAT IF?!

I've been thinking a lot about the new year and the things I want to change. I've spent the last two weeks at home, and have had some good time to reflect on some things in my life. It was a good break, and enough to get me back on track and reset for what's coming the next few months. I usually split my goals up into different domains of my life, because that is easier for me comprehend as time goes on.

I'm excited.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

What if I fall?

But.....what if I fly?