The light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel.

I've learned a lot of valuable things in my life. And if I could remember every single one of them, I think that would spare me a lot of time and pain. But that's not how it works, and in all honesty, I don't think I would want it that way. The hidden blessing about learning things over and over again, is that you each time, the meaning etches just a little bit deeper than the time before, and the a tiny surface of a gem is uncovered. Unfortunately for me, I don't know if that gem will ever get a chance to surface because there are just too many layers of "ish" to get through.

So let me say it again:

I've learned so mant things in my life. And if I could just throw them up and out of my body to this page, I would. But...I can't. I'm so overwhelmed with so many emotions that they are just crowding each other down, and my ability to express anything is clogged shut. I wish I could elaborate on how I couldn't look at my dad in the eyes today without wanting to cry. And I wish I could elaborate as to why I couldn't let myself start crying in front of my own father. I wish I could go into detail about the beautiful performance of Anne Frank today, and how I wish I could tell the world that we need to "remember to live life, every, every moment". I wish I could explain how worried I am about my life and how I don't see how anything could possibly work out in my favor. I wish I could write about all the beautiful blessings that are ever present. I wish I could make you understand the uncertainty that is filling every single corner of my being. But I can't. I don't have the words. *shrugs*  They just won't come.

So instead, I sit in the HFAC, watching the people and the art around me, convincing myself that everything will be alright; convincing myself that I'm there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....but its just really, really dark until then. And then I see David Morgan, and and we have the usual "Where the hell have you been" talk, and I think to myself "Well, if Dave can keep gettin' his butt and doing this, I can do."

So I carry on, making a mental note that we need to get that man a new blazer.